Goodbye, and thank you

I don't know how it happened, but I found you under the checkout counter at work. It's a shame, because I really liked you. You had presence and weight, and the faux leather fabric didn't give me heat rash on the back of my neck.

I'm sorry I was so careless with you, heavy necklace. I shall miss you this summer when I want to accessorize but don't want heat rash.

These were a wonderful addition to my shoe rotation. Basic black with a twist. The pointed toe & metallic studs on the vamp and toe box were edgy cool enough to make me order you. For a while, you performed fairly valiantly, but when I wore you all day you failed utterly.

You gave me a blister on my big toe.

I'm not the kind of person who ever needs what Angie calls "sitting shoes", so I can't justify letting you take up space in my closet. I have to pass you on to someone who can use some "sitting shoes".

I appreciate your efforts to serve me well, but I can't forgive the blister. I refuse to wear shoes that hurt my feet. I hope you find a home that appreciates your cool factor.

I wanted to love you. The length was perfect, the small side vents were perfect, the sleeves were beyond perfect (and made me reconsider Gap because I have a problem finding sleeves that are long enough).

The deep v neckline in the back drove me batty, so I never wore you. It's time to pass you on to someone else who will appreciate the fit of a garment made for tall women; I know how hard it can be to find.

I actually very much liked you, bell sleeve sweater. I liked the tie detail too. I wore you frequently, and you were soft and comfortable.

However, this past week, I worked several extra days and got extra tired and got grumpy about worrying over the bell sleeves when I was in the bathroom. I couldn't pee, I couldn't wash my hands, I couldn't brush my teeth without worrying about getting all that fabric wet. Who wants pee and toothpaste on their sleeves?

I'm passing you on to the local thrift shop in hopes that someone who can handle bell sleeves takes you home. Thank you for keeping me comfy and warm, bell sleeve sweater. I shall miss you (except when I'm in the bathroom).

Holey joggers, you were a total impulse purchase. I was walking through the Family Dollar looking for a crossword puzzle book when I spotted you out of the corner of my eye. I had to have you.

You were perfect to wear with my tactical boots and my black sweater with slits at the elbows. I felt like a post apocalyptic warrior while wearing you.

Sadly, this week, I got some super sticky black construction adhesive goop on you. If it had just been paint or stain, I would have rolled with it. This stuff was super sticky gooey stuff, and as I peeled you off to try and assess the damage, the goo made you stick to yourself. The goo just kept smearing around and making different parts of you stick together. At that moment, I realized that there was no hope.

Goodbye, holey joggers, I shall truly miss you.